Starting off, I feel a deep sense of sympathy and dread watching this trailer, which to me means it is a success! I can already tell that once it is refined and edited with color, it will be alluring and eerie but also inspirational.
I share the sentiment of some of our writers, as in, I enjoy the distortion lines! Having said that, I think it would be most powerful to have them contained either only to the very beginning or the very end of the trailer. That way, they wont stand as a distraction for the emotional ‘meat’ of the story, if you will.
I also agree that having a close up of the car door locking once Dorothy enters would increase suspense.
My main note would be to make the dialogue louder in post production, as I had a hard time hearing what was said. As captivating as Mark’s song is, I wouldn’t want to drown out the voices of the characters, so timing the dialogue to fit some of the lows of the song could help with clarity.
I really enjoyed the silence after Dorothy and Jennings drive off, it builds suspense and tension and leaves the viewer wondering what will happen next. In fact, I would recommend adding some more moments of silence to really stretch out that suspense.
I think the hug scene could be a few beats longer and I would like the chase scene at the end to be a bit longer as well. Adding a close up of Dorothy’s face as she is being assaulted by Jennings would help elevate and clarify the terror/desperation she feels in the moment.
Overall, there is a lot of potential here and the grit of the story comes through. Excited to see how it develops further!
yes mina i love all of this! keeping the distortion lines at the end is probably best. i rewatched the trailer right now and i was thinking a close up of dorothy’s face would help develop the audience’s understanding of what she was feeling/thinking in that moment